Sunday 19 April 2020

Death and new life

It has been a tough few months of happiness, sadness, and stress but one thing that remains constant is the Nature that's in my garden and my hidden local spots where I won't see a soul. Just before the Lockdown with the virus I and my family found out that my father had terminal cancer and only had a few months to live. I knew one day this time would come and 4 weeks ago he started to show quickly go downhill and the last 2 weeks of caring for him were so precious for me, my brother, and my mother. I told him so many times in those 2 weeks how much I loved him and that he was the greatest dad/man I have known. I would not have been able to get through this without nature and my daily dose of the renewal of life as my father was losing his. Once he got so weak we felt like there was no more we could do and his pain was getting to hard manage so we luckily got him into st Lukes which was a beautiful place. The last moments before going are of holding his hand saying goodbye and I loved him so much. I remember seeing him smiling as he went off with my younger brother in the back of a patient transfer bus staring at us and the house he raised his family and spent 40 years working and being happily married brings a tear to my eye and a smile to face.

My brother told me a lovely thing that before my brother left him at St Luke's he grabbed his hand and said "Thank you for everything" which made me cry and smile at the same time even now it gets me and will for many years to come. A few days later after being visited by my mum and sister each day then on Easter Monday as the sunset on a beautiful warm summer day, we got the call we were waiting for that my father had passed away. When I found out he was dying of cancer  I wanted him to go on a sunny blue sky day it was one of the saddest days of my life but I was happy as I knew he was free from pain and since that day when I am out in the woods or walking country path, I think of him and see him in the beauty of nature around me. I'll try to post more soon but it will take time for me to get back to the energy I once had...
Thank you


1 comment:

  1. I’m so so very sorry to read of the passing of your father. My Dad passed in 89 & I often still feel him with me, I just can’t see him. Sending much love during this difficult & painful time. I always found this poem very comforting, I hope you do too.
    What is dying?
    I am standing on the seashore.
    A ship sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
    She is an object and I stand watching her
    Till at last she fades from the horizon,
    And someone at my side says, “She is gone!” Gone where?
    Gone from my sight, that is all;
    She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her,
    And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
    The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her;
    And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “She is gone”,
    There are others who are watching her coming,
    And other voices take up a glad shout,
    “There she comes” – and that is dying.